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Top 5 Signs a Program is Shady

Shady graduate programs have much in common with shady dates


by Stephanie Small
Published August 30, 2010

 Shady graduate programs have much in common with sketchy dates. In a two-for-one deal, this article addresses the red flags to watch out for during the application, enrollment and dating process.

Misrepresentation

Sketchy date: “I’m single. Well, I’m sort of single. I’m separated. Technically? Well, if you want to get technical, I’m still married.” 

Shady graduate program: “Our graduates earn an average of $1,000 a day. So if you come here you’re signing up to be a billionaire your first year out.”
 
In the dating world, we’re familiar with inflated claims, “grey areas” and even occasional outright lies. But most of us aren’t as familiar with the hyperbole some schools resort to in order to lock down your enrollment. Some recruiters have been known to make outlandish claims as to the amount of money you can potentially earn with your degree. This is a very bad sign. Run away.
 
Sidestepping
 
Sketchy date: “What do I do for work? Um….why do you want to know? What do you do?”
 
Shady graduate program: “Why are you so worried about whether your loans will cover the tuition? The more important question is, are you committed to your academic experience?”
 
If you ask a question, you should get an answer. This goes for potential mates as well as potential schools. A less-than-direct response to a query about the school’s policies, accreditation, financial aid process, responsibilities or reputation indicates there may be something to hide. Same goes for your date.
 
Bullying
 
Sketchy partner: “You’re stupid (throws glass of orange juice at your head).”
 
Shady graduate program: “You’re stupid (rips up your enrollment application).”
 
Abuse can come in many forms: name calling, yelling, intimidation, and even physical violence. In 2010, the Government Accountability Office led an undercover investigation into deceptive practices in the for-profit higher education sector. This yielded a video of, among other things, an admissions director ripping up a student’s enrollment application. The student’s offense? Asking questions about his financial aid status. You (hopefully) wouldn’t put up with a partner who undermines you. Nor should you put up with such monkey business from the staff at your potential graduate school.
Bad Reputation
 
Sketchy partner: “Don’t listen to those haters….they just say I’m a player ‘cause they’re jealous.”
 
Shady graduate program: “We just have a different approach and different standards than other schools, that’s all.”
 
Reputation is either a cumulative result of how others have perceived your actions over the years, or a reaction to one or two dramatic incidents that have left strong impressions. Either way, if your date or your potential graduate school has left a trail of people shaking their heads, asking “what’s that about?” or advising “don’t go there!”, take heed. You may think you know better. You understand this guy/girl/grad program in a way that no one else can! You see the real guy/girl/grad program and besides, he/she/it loves you soooo much! Situations like this tend to end in fiery motorcycle crashes, a la “Leader of the Pack”, though some are more metaphorical than literal.
 
Funny with Money
 
Sketchy date:  “Baby, can you just lend me $200 ‘till payday? I swear I’ll pay you back…oh, and I just got a new Wii! For us, I mean! With your credit card!”
 
Shady graduate program: “You really don’t need to list all of your income on your FAFSA. That’s what tax returns are for!”
 
“No, I don’t want no scrubs. A scrub is a guy that can’t get no love from me,” TLC famously sang, referencing would-be suitors that “live at home with their mama”. No one likes a deadbeat. And that goes for graduate schools too. In the GAO sting mentioned earlier, a school recruiter was caught advising an applicant not to declare his recent 250k inheritance on his FAFSA form. Bad idea. Falsifying federal forms is illegal. And perhaps scrubs should be illegal too. 

 Browse our directory of non-shady graduate programs

Business programs | Nursing programs | Education programs

 Stephanie Small is a Boulder-based psychotherapist, holistic nutritionist, and writer with a BA in English from Yale University and an MSW from the Smith College School for Social Work.

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