What "They" Look For? The Why Doctor? Theme The Why Exceptional? Theme The Why Qualified? Theme Editing Checklist
WhyDoctor?
Theme 1: Why I Want to Be a Doctor
Comments by ouradmissions officer advisory are in italics.
Many people look back intime to find the moment of their initial inspiration. Some people have wanted tobe a doctor so long they do not even know what originally inspired them. Toincorporate this theme, look back to the material you gathered in the lastlesson, specifically in response to "The Chronological Method,""Note Major Influences," and "Identify Your Goals." Askyourself these questions: How old was I when I first wanted to become a doctor? Was there a defining moment? Was there ever any ambivalence? Was I inspired by aspecific person? What kind of doctor do I want to be and how does that tie intomy motivation?
Here are a few of thecommon ways that students incorporate this theme:
"I've AlwaysWanted to Be a Doctor"AKA: "I've Wanted to Be a Doctor Since I Was?" and "EveryoneHas Always Said I'd Be a Doctor"
This is perhaps the mostcommon approach of all. The secret to doing it well is to show, not just tell,why you want to be a doctor. You cannot just say it and expect it to stand onits own.
The "I've always wanted to be a doctor" essay has been done to death. I think candidates need to be careful to show that their decision was not only a pre-adolescent one and has been tested over the years and approached in a mature manner.
Supply believable detailsfrom your life to make your desire real to the reader. One secret to avoidingthe "here we go again" reaction is to be particularly careful withyour first line. Starting with "I've wanted to be a doctor since?"makes the reader cringe. It's an easy line to fall back on, but admissionsofficers have read this sentence more times than they care to count; don't addto the statistic.
See thisHarvard applicant's essay for an example of successfullyincorporating this theme.
"My Parents AreDoctors"
This approach to the"why I want to be a doctor" theme is dangerous for a different reason.
It's a prejudice of mine, but the legacy essay, the one that reads, "My dad and my grandpa and my great-grandpa were all doctors so I should be too," makes me suspect immaturity. I envision young people who can't think for themselves or make up their own minds.
This is not the opinion ofevery officer, though. The point is not to avoid admitting that your parent isan M.D., it is to avoid depending on that as the sole reason for you wanting togo to medical school. If a parent truly was your inspiration, then describeexactly why you were inspired. This Dukeapplicant tells of inspiration from a mentor: The doctor in this caseis not related to her, but the treatment is still applicable.
"My Doctor ChangedMy Life!"AKA: "Being a Patient Made Me Want to Become a Doctor"
Some people claim to bemotivated to become doctors because they have had personal experience of illnessor disability.
I had a student who grew up with a chronic illness. She spent much time with physicians and other health care providers throughout her young life. In her essay she wrote about this continuing experience and how the medical professionals treated her. She wrote of her admiration of them as well as her understanding that they couldn't yet cure her. Her essay literally jumped off the page as being unique to her and a compelling understanding of and testament to her desire to join the people who had been so important to her life.
If your personalexperience with the medical profession sincerely is your motivation forattending medical school, then do write about it. The problem is that manystudents fall back on this topic even when it does not particularly hold truefor them. We cannot stress enough that you do not have to have a life-definingability or a dramatic experience to have an exciting statement. Admissionscommittees receive piles of accident and illness related essays and the onesthat seem insincere stick out like sore thumbs and do not reflect well on you asa candidate.
"My orthodontistchanged my life!" "My dentist gave me my smile back!" These typesof themes are certainly valid, but go beyond that to what particular aspect ofthe profession intrigues you. Do you understand how many years of study yourorthodontist had to have in order to reach his level of practice? Have youobserved your dentist for any significant amount of time? Do you know that theprofession now is much different than it was when he or she was starting out? Have you given any thought to the danger of infectious diseases to allhealth-care professionals? Present a well-organized, complete essay dealing withthese points.
Thisapplicant demonstrates a very personal patient experience. The writersuffered from anorexia and "slowly came to realize that my pediatrician hadsaved my life-despite my valiant efforts to the contrary." Her story worksbecause she tells her story objectively and with no intention to manipulate thereader's emotions.
"My Mom HadCancer"
This theme is really justa variation of "I was a patient myself" and the same advice applies:If a loved one's battle with illness, trauma, or disability is truly whatinspired your wish to become a doctor, then by all means mention it. But don'tdwell on it, don't overdramatize, and don't let it stand as your sole motivation-- show that you've done your research and you understand the life of a doctorand you chose it for a variety of reasons.
ThisHarvard applicant begins with the story of a teacher suffering fromAIDS. What validates this focus is the writer's subsequent involvement as avolunteer at an HIV clinic. Without this evidence to prove her sincerity, thepoignancy of the situation would have been doubted and the essay considerablyweakened.
The Medical Dichotomy
One of the major draws ofthe medical field is its dualistic nature combining hard-core science with thesofter side of helping people. This is described by people in many ways; somedescribe it as a dichotomy of science to art; to others it is intellectualism tohumanism, theory to application, research to creativity, or qualitative tosocial skills. No matter how you choose to phrase it, if you mention thedichotomy, then be sure to touch on your qualifications and experience in bothareas.
SampleEssay One
Note: This essayappears unedited for instructional purposes. Essays edited by EssayEdge aresubstantially improved. For samples of EssayEdge editing, please clickhere.
Childhood/Family Experiences;Religious Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints; Unpleasant MedicalExperience; Interest in Alternative Approaches; Well-rounded AcademicBackground; Exercise-Science Major; Financially Self-supported
"One time, a family catcaptured... a moth. The cat's play disturbed E., who promptly got a localveterinarian on the phone to get tips on reviving the mortally wounded moth. Themoth didn't make it, but knowing E.'s enthusiasm, Mrs. E. is more optimisticabout the park." (The Idaho Statesman, 11/22/78)
This article, about me as aten-year-old boy trying to turn a nearby drainage pond into a park, had amisprint-it was a mouse, not a moth. Still, this example shows why people havealways said I would probably be a doctor or veterinarian. Wandering the fields,I brought home sick and hurt creatures; if anyone found an injured bird oranimal, they brought it to me for care.
We didn't exactly live on a farm,but were in farming country. My father always made sure that we had a largegarden; that, along with a small vineyard, orchard and corn field, provided workfor us six kids and a little extra family income. My parent's couldn't give usallowances and we had to help pay for our own clothes, so we worked on localfarms (bucking hay bales, moving sprinkler pipes, etc.) and did whatever wecould find-I started an early morning daily paper route (on my bike, in allweather) at age eleven, and had it for five years.
During this period, we did manageto find time for other things. Besides earning the rank of Eagle Scout, I sangin school choirs, performed in state piano boards, acted in school and communitytheater, ran (and earned a letter) in cross-country and track (until forced bymy Junior year to choose between school sports and earning money), and served asa student body representative in my high school.
After two semesters at Boise State,I volunteered to serve for two years as a missionary with the Church of JesusChrist of Latter-day Saints, going to the California, Ventura Mission. I lovedit, learned a lot, being able to dedicate every hour to helping and teachingpeople of all nationalities, cultures and religions. Many of the friends I madeamong the people and the other missionaries are still very close, and thelessons I learned from all of my experiences affect my life every day.
Returning to school, my classesincluded math and sciences (subjects I had shied away from before)-out ofcuriosity, at first; then, to keep my options open. I actually enjoyed them, andmanaged to get good grades. My love for the humanities continued, includingwriting guest editorials and articles for the Fullerton College school paper,and I was awarded the annual Book Award for Excellence in Foreign Language fromthe Spanish department. My activities were rounded out by helping at a nearbyadolescent rehabilitation clinic, and serving the single members of my church asthe activities committee chairman and representative to the regional council.
In high school, I had had somehealth problems and seen a number of doctors. When a general practitioner didn'tfind anything, he sent me to a specialist, who sent me to another, who sent meto another... none of whom could find a problem, yet all of whom charged myparents what seemed exorbitant fees.
This experience soured me on themedical profession. My interests in people continued to grow, but because of mycynicism toward physicians and lack of money, medical school wasn't seriouslyconsidered. Besides, math and sciences didn't appeal to me at that time likemusic, drama, philosophy and writing did.
I pursued psychology and thehumanities, while growing more fascinated by health, nutrition, and what peopleI knew had found in "alternative" approaches to health, includingpreventive and Eastern medicine. Although a natural skeptic, it seemed to methat if something appears to work for rational, respectable people, it should betaken seriously-researched, to determine whether the benefit is merelypsychological or not-contrary to the doctors I had met, who felt that if THEYdidn't have it, it was "dangerous". This seemed narrow-minded,opposing the principles I understood "science" to be based upon. Upon transferring to USC, I found that my view of the medical establishmentwasn't really accurate-there ARE those who care more about helping people thanabout the money or their intellectual pride. As a result, I've decided to entermedical school, focusing on research and preventive medicine. My major inExercise Science is providing a strong background in physiology and nutrition.
Throughout my college career, Ihave had to support myself financially. Working full-time while at Boise Stateas a restaurant manager, and then doing singing telegrams, fitness consulting,and running my own window-cleaning business since moving to California haveallowed me to get by. Now, my work-study research job at the LA County GeneralHospital/USC Health Sciences Campus is also providing excellent experience inworking in both hospital and research settings. My church responsibilitiescontinually mean opportunities for volunteer service, and as Vice-President ofthe USC chapter of S. fraternity, one of my projects has been setting up anddirecting our relationship with Challengers, a local inner-city youth club withwhich our fraternity is now involved in activities and tutoring.
SampleEssay Two
Survivor of Anorexia;Emergency Medical Technician Training; Clinic Experience; Medical Volunteer inHonduras; HIV Test Counselor
I decided that I wanted tobe a doctor sometime after my four month incarceration in Columbia PresbyterianChildren's Hospital in the winter of 1986-87, as I struggled with anorexianervosa. Through the maturation process that marked my recovery, I slowly cameto realize that my pediatrician had saved my life-despite my valiant efforts tothe contrary. Out of our individual stubborn wills was born a kind of mutualrespect, and he is one of the people who make up my small collection of heroes.
I admire doctors whounderstand both what is said and what is held back, who move comfortably aroundthe world of the body, and who treat all patients with respect. I am luckybecause a few of them have become my impromptu teachers, taking a little extratime to instruct me in anatomy, disease or courtesy. During my Emergency MedicalTechnician training, one of the emergency room doctors took me to radiology topoint out the shadow of a fracture in a CT-scan and trusted me to hold a littlegirl's lip while he inserted sutures. The physicians in the Hospital 12 deOctubre in Madrid, Spain taught me to hear lung sounds and to feel an enlargedliver and spleen. They explained the social and medical difficulties associatedwith the management of pediatric AIDS until I understood the Spanish well enoughto begin asking questions; then they answered them.
I work now in the MayfieldCommunity Clinic, which provides primary care to members of the Spanish-speakingcommunity near Stanford University. My job as a patient advocate involves takinghistories, performing simple procedures and providing family planning and HIVcounseling. I try to use the knowledge I have gained from class and practice toformulate the right set of questions to ask each patient, but I am constantlyreminded of how much I have to learn. I look at a baby and notice its cute,pudgy toes. Dr. V. plays with it while conversing with its mother, and in lessthan a minute has noted its responsiveness, strength, and attachment to itsparent, and checked its reflexes, color and hydration. Gingerly, I search forthe tympanic membrane in the ears of a cooperative child and touch an infant'swarm, soft belly, willing my hands to have a measure of Dr. V.'s competence.
I first felt the need tobe competent regarding the human body when I volunteered with the Amigos de LasAmericas program in the town of T. in Lempira, Honduras. The hospital availableto the people of T. (at a day's ride in the bed of a truck) was "where onewent to die," so my partner and I, with our basic first aid certificationsand our $15 Johnson & Johnson kits, quickly became makeshift"doctors". The responsibility initially created a heady feeling; adistressed mother called on us to bandage the toe her eight-year-old son hadaccidentally sliced to the bone with his machete. I told him the story of Beautyand the Beast in broken Spanish while my partner and I soaked the dirt from histoe, and during the following week we watched him heal.
Then our foster-mother,who normally tended to the sick, told my partner and me to "check on thefoot" of D. The gentle-eyed, sixty-five year old man lay on his bed, hisleg encased in bloody bandages from mid-calf to toe. After performing surgery,the hospital had given him a bottle of injectable antibiotics and some cleanneedles and sent him home without bandages or further instructions. My partnerand I had not been trained to handle so serious a situation. We did not knowwhat had happened; we did not know what the antibiotics were (or if they wereactually antibiotics); we did not know if handling D.'s blood put us at risk fordisease. We wanted to leave, but leaving the house meant leaving D. andbetraying our foster-mother's trust. So we injected the antibiotics and cleanedand bandaged the wound every day for our remaining two weeks in Hondurasalthough we felt ill-equipped for the responsibility, crippled by our ignoranceand lack of supplies.
In T., I did not feelqualified to receive the trust the townspeople gave so willingly. As anHIV-antibody test counselor in California, I struggle everyday to win myclients' confidence. Somehow a twenty-one-year-old, Caucasian female must besincere, knowledgeable and open enough to earn the respect of afifty-five-year-old man who could be her father, a high school sophomore, anex-drug addict, and a pregnant Latina woman. My clients are black, white,straight, gay, Ph.D. candidates and illiterate; some choose to come to me whileothers have court-orders. Yet to communicate effectively, each client must haveenough confidence in me to engage in dialogue about his drug or sex life and tobelieve what I tell him, whether or not he chooses to act on our discussion.
Speaking with patients,doctors and community members has opened my eyes to some of the difficultiesinvolved with healthcare provision, and I hope I have given some inspiration orcomfort in exchange for the knowledge I have received. I want these lessons inopenness and compassion to shape my understanding of medicine and allow me tobecome the type of doctor I admire.
SampleEssay Three
High School Teacherwith AIDS; SCID/Genetics Research Experience; HIV Counselor
Before I found out that myhigh school Spanish teacher was HIV-positive, AIDS was not much more than abunch of statistics to me. The disease, its course, and the people afflictedwith it seemed alien to my life-as distant as the continent from which the viruswas supposed to have sprung. Then Mr. T. stopped coming to school. When hereappeared a few months later to wish us well on the advanced placement exam,his face looked sallow. His voice, once a thunderous bass that rumbled in classand reverberated down the hallway, was weak and thin. Seeing my teacher lookingso unfamiliar was my shocking introduction to AIDS. I felt as if I were in thepresence of a stranger, this mysterious disease, who was insulting Mr. T. rightin front of my eyes. I wanted to know who this stranger was.
I entered college,believing that biology could explain to me why life's processes went awry. Ilearned that the body is exquisitely complex, but I was reassured by theunderlying theme of systems. Even if I didn't know all the molecules andconnections, there seemed no denying that a fundamental order existed.
From physiology to cellbiology to molecular genetics, my classes presented smaller and smaller systemsto explain the origins of diseases. Finally, in genes, with their innocuous fourletter alphabet, I felt I was learning the foundation of it all. If biologyprovided the keys to understanding life, then genetics must be the master key(if only we could see some of the doors we were trying to open). During twosummers in a research laboratory at The Children's Hospital of Philadelphia, Ihelped track down the gene causing X-linked severe combined immunodeficiency (SCID).
Even though AIDS and SCIDare very different diseases (SCID is exclusively hereditary), each compromisesthe body's defense mechanisms against foreign pathogens. I felt this was asignificant connection. In SCID, I was meeting a distant cousin of AIDS.Learning about common themes of immunodeficiency disorders, such as the perilsof opportunistic infections, helped me to begin to understand what had happenedto Mr. T. In the SCID laboratory, and in classroom seminars on infectiousdiseases, science was helping me demystify disease.
In the same year that Mr.T. became ill, my grandfather died during bypass surgery and my father underwentchemotherapy and radiation treatment for colon cancer. Since then, disease hashad a human face for me. To better understand how people deal with disease orthe fear of disease, I've become a volunteer counselor in an HIV clinic.
Speaking to people whocome in for free testing, I've found that discussing HIV, getting the scarywords (and acronyms) out in the open, is a way for many people to release theiranxiety. Through expression in their own words, they make the disease real,which helps them to see that it is also preventable. Then, they often take thenext step, making specific goals to maintain their health, whether they areHIV-negative or positive. What science in class and lab did for me inconfronting the difficult issues of AIDS, talk does for my clients.
As an HIV counselor in ananonymous clinic, I feel both the potential of my role and its limits. I can'tgo home with my clients to remind them to keep condoms under the bed, but I canhelp them make a plan-something that could stay with them much longer than theinformation I offer. At the end of one session, one client surprised me with hisresponse to a question I had asked: "What do you think you'll do with theHIV information?" There was a silence in the counseling room as the clientpondered, but I recall sensing the comfort of the silence. This was a sessionthat seemed to be producing the potential for a breakthrough (not every sessiondoes), and I waited patiently. He responded, "I think I'll ask mygirlfriend to use her own needles." Then, the client thanked me for havingasked the question.
I was thrown. My clientproposed a strategy for reducing his HIV risk, but he didn't address what waslikely his main issue-heroin use. Should I validate his plan? In effect, that'swhat I did, because I didn't challenge the drug issue. When he left the clinic,I practically wanted to follow him out the door. I wondered if I would ever seehim again and be able to ask him how his plan was going. I wondered if he wouldultimately seek help for his drug use. My supervisor reminded me that I had donemy job as an HIV counselor. I had helped the client make a plan; he had eventhanked me for it.
And I can thank him inreturn. He reminded me that although I have worked to understand disease in theclassroom, the laboratory, and the clinic, I still have much to learn aboutcaring for all aspects of a patient's health. I am eager to continue thelearning process in the New Pathway Program at Harvard Medical School.
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